Post #14 – It is always darkest before the dawn

Dear Wendi,

This post is for you.  This is a reminder for you to look back and remember when you were entering a very dark and unknown time in your life.  A time when you didn’t KNOW the answers to most questions you were being asked: house and things in Utah, black car, living in Costa Rica, new ward being created, work in Costa Rica?  You didn’t even KNOW what to dream of or really hope for next, other than the wellbeing and togetherness of your family.

I want you to remember how you chose to walk through this darkness and you are chose to do this because of the HOPE that YOU DO FEEL inside of you.  You feel hope that this too shall pass, that answers will come and this will not last forever.  Remember Lori Patey?  She said, “Remember Wendi.  It always came to pass but it never came to stay.”

As hard as this may get, or as unfair as things may seem along the way, remember you chose to hold onto HOPE.  Hope is going to see you through this.  Hope in the knowledge that your Father in Heaven loves you and does all things for your GOOD.  He wants you to succeed and sometimes, in order to proceed, we have to let go of yesterday. . . which means we need to pass through the night in order to awaken to a new day.

It is always darkest right before the dawn.  Hold onto that.  Hold onto the truth that you are HERE FOR A PURPOSE.  You are not lost.  You are not forgotten.  You are surrounded in love, friendship, joy and moments of splendor because you know who you are!  You are never alone.  Don’t try to strain your eyes, looking too far ahead for help to come, for it will prohibit you from seeing the help God is already sending all around you for now.

Can you count how many times Joy Boy stops what he is doing, walks over to you and gives you the most sincere and gentle hug he can give and then says, with all of his heart, “I love you Mom.  You are doing great!”  And how many times as Ginger Snap stopped what she has been doing and decides to make you lunch or “feels” like playing with Curly Cook, which is a HUGE help.  And how many notes have the children written you, especially Curly Cook and in those rare moments, El Gringo?

Remember how when you were young, you prayed for your mother when she was struggling too?  Did you feel your prayers helped her?  Well, your children are praying for you too.  Don’t lose hope.  Don’t lose faith.  You ARE being LOVED right now!  Feel it.  Let it in.  THIS is the gift you and Paul need most.  You need their love. Without these experiences would you even appreciate their words?  Would you even hear them, or would you just push them aside, selfishly seeking what you want instead of what you are being given to enjoy right now?

Remember, this life is created to teach us, not to numb us or console us to a state of comfort that stops us from progressing and discovering who we truly are.  These experiences, no matter how others may see them, are created uniquely for your family to learn from and grow from.  You are not being punished but you are being taught deep principles of truth.

Yes, you have sacrificed emotional, social, financial, physical, mental and spiritual health but isn’t that exactly what we all have to give, to help bring us that much closer to our eternal goal?  Aren’t we required to give it ALL and then whatever is left, then the Lord will make up the rest?

When you are feeling low, that life is unfair, that you have made the wrong choices, remember that those feelings and voices are not what have gotten you this far.  It has only been through the truths you have gained that you have kept going.  So although you feel you are losing your friends, family, church, home, community (aka – the place you felt you had on this earth) remember that this earth is not our final destination.  THERE IS A PLAN and when you feel you are being pushed to the edge, remember Heavenly Father did not create us to fall and die, but to fall and FLY . . . back to His presence again.

I believe in what you are doing Wendi.  Even when there is no one to talk to, no one to listen to your desires mixed with fears, no one who seems to understand or sadly, even care . . . you are NEVER alone if you keep your covenants.  For that is who you are striving to remain, a covenant keeper.  Your faith in Jesus Christ has seen, and will continue to see you through.  Hold onto that hope and . . .

I will see you at dawn.

“Apart to Pray” by Scott Sumner.  Right before we moved to Costa Rica, I had Paul buy this painting for me. I had no idea how precious it would become to me.

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