#50 – Silence

Okay.  I am being really silent these days.

Looking over the posts I have made this last year, I have been consistently blogging since May.  That is a HUGE accomplishment.   But then I noticed that the past few months I have been gradually posting less and less.

I made 16 posts in September but only 7 in October.  And so far I have only made 3 posts in November.  Yes, my blog was down for 2 weeks in October, but that doesn’t excuse where I have been the past 6 weeks. 

To tell you the truth, life has been harder to bare than I would like to admit.  I have felt ashamed that my faith and testimony hasn’t been able to bring to pass the answers or solutions we have been seeking.  So, I turned in on myself and I have been quiet, because I am afraid of what is going on in my heart and mind.  I am afraid of what I might say and if I will regret it in the future. 

Yesterday blew me away!  I finally felt motivated to write about something that our family experienced, and ached to tie it to a past experience we had had.  But when I went to link the past experience from my blog, I found that I had NEVER BLOGGED about it!

I decided to take some time to look over my blog as a whole.  I noticed that when my life is the most difficult, I don’t like to talk about it.  Weird.  I always thought I talked things out with others, especially when things got hard?  I guess not.

I supposed yesterday helped me realize that although I may not have the freedom to use my mouth to speak, I do have my fingers.  I NEED to talk things out, especially when I feel like my life isn’t progressing the way I feel it should or maybe hoped it would.

I hope I will have the humility to stop worrying about who “might” read my posts and instead post on my blog for myself, and possibly for my posterity.  We never know how long this life will be, so I feel it is better to leave a little something behind for them to learn from, than nothing at all.

What motivated this new change of heart?  This new desire to be vulnerable and just write anything?  This post did and the talk that she offered as spiritual enlightenment.  I decided to look the talk up myself and when I read the title, I was profoundly touched.

 

 

Then I read the opening quote.

 

 

This blew me away.  So much so, I burst into tears.  It hit me. . . My blog is a safe place.  It is a place where I can share the tender moments of my life, my hardships, my disappointments, my goals, even some of my fears and then share HOW the gospel is helping me to work through them.

I realized today that I should NEVER be ashamed of what I am writing.  Instead, I just need to write.  I need to be true to who I am inside, be true to the power of hope that I feel, despite the lack of knowledge or control that I may have in this moment, and trust that ALL THINGS WORK FOR MY GOOD!!  ALL OF THEM!

So with this, I have a new goal.  I need to take just a few minutes every day and share something, anything.  For like I said before, it is better to share a little something than nothing at all.

Thanks for listening,

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