A dear friend wrote to me last week, after I had reached out to her about our house and our struggles. Her reply touched me and made me ache that I couldn’t be there in person to help her through her own struggles. I loved a section she wrote in her email that said:
I hope this Christmas finds you at peace. I hope you are able to enjoy the season knowing all will work out!
I am really determined to look outside all my own issues and struggles this Christmas and see how I can serve others. My family, my neighbors and my friends. I have found that I really need to do this. I have been obsessing about my issues and things going on in my life and realizing they are small in comparison to the things other people are going through. You don’t need to know about my selfishness… the reality is I hope that your home sells and you can enjoy the holiday season.
“You don’t need to know about my selfishness” hit me DEEPLY.
I actually WANT to know about her selfishness. I actually WANT to be there to comfort her and help her work through her issues so that she can feel the light that she is to those around her. I WANT to be able to help her, serve her and help care for her. But how can IF I DON’T EVEN KNOW that she is struggling?
Last night, and this morning, it hit me . . . PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ THIS BLOG! I don’t know why it never occurred to me until right now but it just has. All this time I felt I was just writing to myself; to some unknown future season of my life that I would want to actually read about what life was like for me during these specific years.
Sure, I have a couple friends who have commented on my posts and given me love and support to “keep on writing,” but those sweet friends are like angels to me, dashing to my aid, helping me to hold onto something, anything, until I feel like I am back on my feet again. I just never thought people, other than my sweet angels, read this blog. But they do.
So now I am afraid of how I may appear to you readers. Am I whiny? Am I superficial? Am I a grump? If you are close to me, do you think I am a hypocrite or two-sided?
That is where my friend’s email hit me the hardest, the deepest. Here she is, trying to support and encourage me when she too needs the support and encouraging that I am seeking. Does that make her a hypocrite for “not sharing her selfishness” and only sharing what she HOPES she can do in the wake of her struggles?
No. I do not believe she is a hypocrite. I believe she is ON THE PATH and that she is FIGHTING with ALL HER MIGHT to STAY ON THAT PATH, no matter what it takes. And I believe that her desire not to share her struggles with me is a sacrifice she is making, in an attempt to try yet another way to figure out how to progress on this path. Bless her sweet, incredibly talented, loving, generous, listening ear, and wise beyond her years heart for being who she is.
But may she (and all my friends) know that I would be happy to listen and if I can’t help her, at least pray for her. Her example has helped me abundantly these last few days. Not because she did not share her struggles, but because she sacrificed her needs to help comfort and encourage me and I FELT IT! I also felt in her few words her needs and I heard her plea, “Do I matter?” And the answer is “YES!!!!”
Yes Love, YOU MATTER! You matter to so many I couldn’t possibly count them all. You matter from the past, present and to the future. I care about you. I cheer for you. I will pray for you. And I will serve you. I love you dear friend. You know who you are. Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to stop what you were doing, while still carrying your heavy load, and pausing to cheer me on. I love you for that.
And to ALL MY OTHER ANGELS on this earth, THANK YOU TOO! Your emails, your texts, your prayers, your sacrifices, your fasting, your help, your encouragement, your faith has wrapped me in a cocoon and protected me this week from the storms felt all around me. You have encouraged me to stand on the rock that you all stand upon, the rock of faith and trust in God, and I appreciate your reminders to get up on that rock and stand firm.
“For it always comes to pass, but it never comes to stay!” – Lori Patey
I love you sweet friends. I appreciate you for “listening”, even though I never imagined so many of you would. Thank you for the time you take out of your busy lives to listen to me. I truly appreciate your listening ears.
I appreciate you,
P.S.- She did write me and she did share what is going on in her life and it is SO MUCH MORE than what I could handle. Isn’t it amazing how each of us can carry unique loads that would crush another, but we have been given the ability to see it through? Thanks “friend”, you TRULY helped me with your email, by given me the eyes to see that my trials fit me and I CAN see them through. Which means you can too (but you already know that – you are so wise!). I love you friend!