What does it mean to be patient? Waiting on the Lord?
All of these quotes/memes popped up as I searched for what I felt the answer was. And after finding all of these amazing words of inspiration and encouragement, it hit me . . .
Will I look back on this waiting period as a waste of time or a burden, or will I see the REAL WORK I was ABLE to do because I was so busy trying NOT to be overwhelmed with worry and overcome with fear?
I keep thinking how I have a choice.
I can choose to get upset, overwhelmed, angry, fearful, numb, or I can choose to have hope, peace, comfort, calm, patience, joy in the moments I am having while I am waiting, and faith in Jesus Christ.
The choice IS up to me. So what do I choose?
I choose to live each day that the Lord has given to me. Not the day that I expect but the day that I receive, even when the day goes a way I DID NOT WANT IT TO GO, I still choose to receive it and learn from it.
And the more that I do this, the more I realize that our ways really aren’t God’s ways.
As a human, I choose less pain, less discomfort and less suffering. But as a Daughter of God, I need to choose refinement, which includes pain, discomfort and yes, even suffering.
I can honestly say that the last year has taught me more than I was learning before these trials. I needed these trials to teach me life skills that I did not know how to create on my own, like: getting out of the house because I CAN and it is good for me, being able to use my body for good – helping others, being heard and understood – so striving to use words that are worth listening to, seeing people the way Heavenly Father sees them – enemies included, and the value of patience – waiting is good for me and helps me do so much more in a day and feel that my day was of worth.
When the moment of intensity hits me and I feel I can give no more, I turn all my anger, pain, heart-ache, suffering, need to control and worry over to the Lord. I literally LET GO!
And He is ALWAYS there . . .
Mosiah 16: 6 – 8
6 And now if Christ had not come into the world, speaking of things to come as though they had already come, there could have been no redemption.
7 And if Christ had not risen from the dead, or have broken the bands of death that the grave should have no victory, and that death should have no sting, there could have been no resurrection.
8 But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.
I was reading these exact scriptures this morning. They hit me so strongly because this is Abinadi speaking. This was 148 years before Christ was even born. How could he speak this way, as if Christ had ALREADY done ALL that He had promised that He would do?
Then I remembered THIS EXPERIENCE . . .
Last year, after El Gringo had studied the Doctrine and Covenants in Seminary for the entire year, he took a test. He got every answer correct but one. Paul and I were curious as to which question he got incorrect and what answer he put as correct. The question was asking how the war in heaven was won. In looking over the answers, El Gringo chose the choice that I would have chosen, but it was incorrect. Instead, the answer was this . . .
Because our Heavenly Father chose Jesus Christ to be our Savior, Satan became angry and rebelled. There was war in heaven. Satan and his followers fought against Jesus Christ and His followers. The Savior’s followers “overcame [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11).
I was totally perplexed. So perplexed I talked to the Seminary teacher to see if he could teach me what I could not understand. He was so sweet and sincere and simply said that the answer was correct. I said, “But how? Jesus had not atoned for our sins yet; we did not even have bodies. Jesus didn’t even have a body.” And the Seminary teacher replied, “Because He never breaks His promises. Jesus said He would do it, so it WOULD HAPPEN!” (by the way, the Seminary teacher is maybe 25. Such a profound answer for a man his age!)
I have thought about this answer for months and as I read the scriptures, I occasionally come across little pieces of treasure that better help me understand WHO Christ is and HOW He plays a role in my life. The more I learn about Him, the MORE I REALIZE that He truly is . . .
9 . . . the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death.
Jesus KEEPS His promises. His “word” (meaning to give your “word” that you will do something) is SO POWERFUL that it won the war in heaven. And “His Word” (meaning the scriptures) are SO POWERFUL that He is able to speak to “our hearts” (just the way you need to be spoken to, and in just the words you need to understand or feel) and “our minds” to bring us the comfort, direction, and peace that we need to be able to move forward and trust in the plan you need to make your goals come true.
And . . .
With Him I CAN TRUST that things will all work out for my good.
I can also trust that the righteous desires of my heart are for my good, but I need to do the work to help them even come into existence.
I am so grateful that the last 3 years have been teaching me a new way to handle stress, anxiety, disappointment, depression, fear, panic and confusion.
I truly believe this. I may not be able to control WHAT is happening to me but I CAN CONTROL how I use the time that I do have to spend and how I react to what is happening to me in the meantime. I am grateful to have my daily scripture study, journal writing (sharing the heartache of my days but then always looking for the good in the trials and how they are helping me to be stronger), prayer, service in a loving manner, forgiveness, repentance, rest, refining of gifts and talents, seeking knowledge and enduring the ups and downs that come.
And I am learning to trust that all of these trials, and at times failures, are helping my children learn far more than I could ever teach them with words . . .
And ultimately, at the end of every trial or waiting place of patience in our lives, there is this promise . . .
Again, I turn to this new song.
I need to let go of “last year” and allow a “New Year” to come into my heart, might, mind and strength. I need to trust in who I am following and find joy in the journey. This is my hope and my greatest desire, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Thanks for Listening,