I got asked last week the treaded question . . .
So, how do you like Costa Rica?
I completely freeze when I am asked this question. A rush of emotion flows over me, reminding me JUST HOW HARD living here has been and that I CHOSE to move here and I STILL choose to live here, even though life isn’t “perfect.”
A sense of fear and dread kicks in, as the looks on the people, waiting for my answer, start to contort and become perplexed. I feel PRESSURE to declare that “All is blissfully well! Never better! A dream come true! Paradise realized!”
But I can’t. That’s a lie!
I truly believe that there is NO PLACE ON EARTH that I would rather be than right where God wants me. And I truly believe that God, my Father in Heaven, truly wants me here. Right here. Sweating it out (literally, rainy season has lowered its boom!), taking it one day at a time, and most of all practicing to trust in Him.
Thankfully, the most recent couple to ask me this question was rather chill when I replied, in utter and complete honesty, that life in paradise has been not been found for us while living here. I poured out the twists and turns, the deceit and devastation, as well as the explosion of any and all expectations we once had.
They stared at me with a bit of disbelief that only made me feel self conscious and a bit like a “Negative Nellie.” I felt terrible. How can I be so negative? But I felt I was only being honest. After I shared my feelings, the husband asked if he could ask me just one question? I said sure!
He asked. . .
If you could go back and make this decision all over again, would you?
As he was asking the question, the answer came immediately out of my mouth, before he even finished speaking. I immediately said to him, “Yes. Yes. I would RUN and jump off the same cliff again, because I would know what I know now.”
To be honest, I shocked myself. How could I say all those “negative things” and then immediately answer that I would do it all over again. ALL of it!!! Really?
Ever since that moment, I have been pondering on how I can change my attitude, or at least my answer, to that question. I have been led to realize something that the man was actually wanting to share with my children. He dug deep into his inner, suit pockets and found 4 dog-tags with a very cool inscription on them. One one side it had a picture of the Angel Moroni with FAOJC underneath it and on the other side it had this scripture:
3 Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.
But what does FAOJC mean?
It means: Future Ambassador of Jesus Christ.
As I pondered all week about my question, I kept being given this answer . . . Who are you, really? Who are you truly striving to be? After a few days of pondering, and MANY opportunities to test out Sister Nelson’s INCREDIBLE 30 Day Scripture Challenge . . .
And that is where I got interrupted. I never finished this post. The irony is that looking back on THIS moment in time, so much was up for grabs for us. We had recently sold our house, but should we keep living in Costa Rica? Paul started researching the company he now works for, but at the time they didn’t have any positions he wasn’t overly qualified for. And Elder Whitchurch, he hadn’t even decided if he would serve a mission.
Now looking back, would I still say YES to moving to Costa Rica?!?
Yes I would! I would because I KNOW who I am more now than I ever did before and the trials I have had here have helped me discover this. And although I am fretting about visiting Utah this summer, because “going back” keeps running through my mind, reading posts like these remind me that I am NOT “going back in time”, that Wendi and version of Utah no longer exists. I am instead taking my new, better improved self to someplace I once knew, to see what is there now, but to also try out my new me. 😉
I look forward to coming back to Costa Rica, after our Utah visit, and I look forward to sharing what lessons I learned while during our stay. I’m grateful to be back blogging again. It has been a ROUGH MONTH, one that caught me by surprise and crumbled me to my core. But I am still here, I’m still fighting, and I will keep on trying. Thanks to my FAITH in Christ!
Happy Throwback Thursday,