My mother’s heart is breaking tonight because my baby boy is sick, in a far away land.
His lungs are sick with bronchitis and there isn’t anything I can do to take this away from him or make it better for him.
I ache that I am thousands of miles away from him. Does he feel that I even care? Does he feel our prayers for him? Is he getting the help that he truly needs?
These are the questions that are flooding my mind today. This little boy has been in my care for over 18 years. Now I literally feel like I am failing him. I know that he has to grow-up and he has to learn to take care of himself, so why do I feel this way? Why can’t I be like a dad and just be chill about all this?
Because he is my baby. He has a piece of my heart. A piece that is THOUSANDS of miles away that I can’t comfort, I can’t hold, I can’t get help for, and it is breaking. What can I do?
So I pray.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed today. And although my heart still feels like it is being squished in a garbage smasher, I also feel it being protected by love.
As I turn to the piano, to help me get some of these suffocating emotions out of me, I looked up at the pictures on the kid of our piano. I could SEE the love that is in the eyes of those who have passed away in our family.
I could see them looking AT ME. I paused, feeling shocked that I hadn’t taken the time to connect with them in a really long time. So why was I feeling them now?
Because they understand what I am feeling, what I am going through. This isn’t my first child to leave home, but he is my first to still need help with life on earth. These people understand that this is my first time experiencing these emotions of separation and helplessness, so they are here to support me.
Even the moon is smiling down at me tonight, cheering me on that “It will all be okay in the morning. Give it some time. Don’t fret. We all are made whole in time. I should know that this is true! 🌝 ”
So I’ll trust in the moon, and in the love that I see in my ancestor’s eyes, each telling me to be of good cheer and to have faith that help is on its way. Elder Whitchurch has medicine and has had an X-ray. That is great news! No, I wasn’t with him (my first time ever), but his Heavenly Father was.
No one said that sending a son on a mission would be easy, but they also kind of make fun of mom’s who don’t act tough, or who react with concern for things like this.
I’m new at this. I need support. So I reached out and found me some. . .
And my favorite quote of all!
So I’ll keep going, trusting and believing that we will ALL get through this new experience we are having! 17 weeks down, hopefully more to go!
And a BIG THANK YOU to Allison! You truly helped me get through today. I can testify that I am surrounded by angels who are willing to help me hold my heart. 💕
Here’s to next Tuesday bringing better news,